100 Million B.C.

27Jun08

Oh yeah, you read it right. Not a couple of thousand years, not even a couple of million. ONE HUNDRED MILLION years B.C. Every time I say it I want to do the Dr. Evil pinky move.

All right, here’s the sitch. Apparently, during Dubya-Dubya-Two, there was some experimentation into stealth technology that led to the accidental discovery of time travel. A crew of 21 (including two chicas) was sent into the time portal, millions of years into the past. I don’t really know why, just to see if it would work, I guess. But they got stuck on the other side and could not be retreived.

Flash forward 60 years. Steven Keaton from Family TIes has gotten very, very old since he made his discovery as a teenage genius. But he hasn’t given up on getting back his guys, including his brother, who are back hanging out in the Cretaceus or Jurassic or whatever. Enter the team of hot-looking Navy SEALS. You’ve got your wisecraking guy, a couple of black dudes (at least one of whom will surely wander off on his own and get eaten), your mad yell-y type dude, etc. It’s a fairly large team. They listen to Keaton’s explanation, and jump into the time portal to see if they can save the leave-behinds from last time. But this time, Keaton’s going with them. Even though he’s old and feeble and will slow them down considerably.

I mentioned the size of the SEAL team (complete with Army fatigue outfits, by the way), but once they got back to 100 MILLION YEARS AGO, I figured out why they had to send so many. They start getting picked off rather quickly. Marauding prehistoric alligators, head-eating velociraptors, going through the time portal and landing in the middle of a tree…you know, all the usual hazards of a journey like this.

Our few SEALs that are left run into the 4 members of the original team who have survived, none of whom have aged at all since they got to 100 MILLION YEARS ago. They get back through the portal, but accidentally let a T-Rex follow them through. To Los Angeles in the present. Which was pretty cool.

The dinosaurs in this movie are among the most lame, ridiculous looking dinosaurs I’ve seen in any of these films. The shot of the team going into the bunker that houses the time travel device, which is a mile underground but still somehow has natural light streaming into all the windows was a pretty good one. The acting…well, Keaton didn’t do that badly, but everyone else just stunk the place up. But honestly, better acting skills couldn’t have done much to save the terrible dialogue. As I do with most of the movies I review for this site, I highly recommend it.

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