Savage Planet

20Nov08

savage

Sixty or so years into the future, the earth is to’ up. There’s been a nuclear war, the air is polluted so badly that people need gas masks to go outside, and riots are commonplace. The planet is dying, and the mega-corporations of the world are looking for a way to make things better for humankind while at the same time pocketing kajillions of dollars in profits.

One of these corporations has found, through new teleporting technology, an amazing planet 20,000 light years away. Clean air, clean water, a pristine environment ripe to be colonized and subsequently destroyed by people. So, Mr. Corporate BadGuy sends a team through the ol’ teleportation device to check the place out. Apparently, this is a device that only works if all persons passing through are dressed in khaki from head to toe.

Save The Day Hero is Sean Patrick Flanery, who’s been in about a thousand of these SciFi flicks, and he’s a badass macho security expert. There are technically two foxxy scientist doctor ladies, a biologist and a physician, but only one (the biologist) lives, so I guess she gets the title. The planet is indeed beautiful. It has lots of vegetation, unpolluted air and clean water. Also, it has bears. Yeah, you heard me. Fucking bears. As if the regular kind aren’t horrifyingly vicious enough, these are super giant genetically mutated angry smart homicidal bears. I mean, more homicidal than a bear you’d run into, say, here on Earth. If you can imagine.

There’s betrayal and secrecy, flirting and giggling, hideous CGI, and lots of stock footage of roaring bears spliced in. Token black dude, man, I have to say, I was starting to get attached and think he was going to make it until they threw in a line about him having a wife and kids back at home.

Best part of Savage Planet, other than the killer space bears…not one, not two, but THREE decapitations. Most of these movies you’re lucky to get even one!!! Three is almost unheard of. Nice touch. Watch the movie.

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3 Responses to “Savage Planet”

  1. 1 Stephanie

    Pissed off, intergalactic bears. Dare to dream that this is available on Netflicks.

    By the way, if you have not seen it and are on the search for a good, bad movie, may I suggest “Spring Break Shark Attack” and “Hard Ticket to Hawaii”. Definitely cheese classics in the making.

  2. 2 Maria

    Also, there’s a dearmitation, too! I love the intergalactic bears. I recommend this as a double feature with Grizzly Rage.

  3. 3 David

    Oh, it doesn’t get any better than this movie! I love the stock bear footage, played over and over again. The best parts were when you had two bear arms coming toward the victim as they were “attacked”.

    One of the funniest parts was when the girl gets attacked and it being pulled by her foot and nobody does a single thing. Not even the guy who was trying to get laid by this hottie. They didn’t even try to shoot it. Priceless!

    Sorry, I have to say it…..Okay, 20,000 light years away and you have Bears as the only life form on the planet? Bears? Really? That is so awesome! It is like watching an episode of 30 Rock. We were laughing so hard as they would switch to the stock bear footage during each attack.


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